“Why yes, I am…”
I understand that it’s a potentially dangerous question, but if you’re going to ask, then ask. Twice within the last week, someone has awkwardly attempted to find out if Car is in fact pregnant, or if she just has a tapeworm.
Car and I took Sadie for a walk the other night and ended up at a junior high baseball game. Sadie helped retrieve a foul ball and I returned it to a man standing next to the dugout. He tried to pet Sadie, who as you know wasn’t having any of it. I told him she was just worried about her mother standing off at a distance and we walked away.
As the three of us walked away, he hollered, “Hey! Is she…?”. I think he could sense my perplexed look from 100 feet away in the dark, so he repeated himself, “Is she…?” and put his hands out in front of his belly like he was carrying an invisible load of laundry… Having recognized the international symbol for pregnancy, I hollered back, “Yeah, she is…”. “She’s going to need some extra attention,” he said pointing at Sadie. “It’s going to be tough at first, just be sure to spend a lot of time with her. I had to do the same when my first kid was born.” I guess he redeemed himself in the end by offering up a little wisdom. Too bad we can’t say the same for our second inquirer.
She was our waitress at the Outback, and it was obvious from the get-go that she was mentally wondering around in the bush, even as she took our order. A few minutes after bringing our drinks, she came back with the bread and popped the question. “Are you…?” Car and I just stared back at her. “Are you…you know…?” I could see the wheels turning in Car’s head: “Am I…beautiful? Yes.” “Am I…charming? Yes.” “Am I…brilliant? Yes.” “Am I pregnant…why yes, I am.” The girl then went on to acknowledge what a dangerous question it is and how bad it would be to offend a customer that was in fact, not pregnant. I’m sitting there wondering why that didn’t stop her from asking, but I soon realized she was without shame.
Car asked her how many kids she had, “three.” “Did you pick up your older kid while you were pregnant?” “Honey, I did it all…” We knew we were in trouble. “I picked up my kid, carried the groceries, moved furniture, had sex…we did it all the time. My husband said ‘it was like poking a bag of puppies with a stick’, we didn’t let it slow us down any.” The barrage of words that came after that statement were lost on me as I sat there trying to figure out what the hell she meant. A week later, I still don’t have a clue…
g
Finally! The G-unit is back in business!
Priceless. I love yall!
I very rarely listen to WSB talk radio but I did yesterday. Interestingly your comments were the exact topic. The bottom line was that if you are having a dull day and you want to get some sparks flying just go up to a woman and ask if she is pregnant. It is a lose , lose subject matter. My advice to all who are around the “with child” women is to simply smile, say “yes dear” and stand back.
G, I wish you and Sadie the best during these next few months. As the temperature rises so will her emotions. Sadie knows I will take her in a New York minute. G, you are just going to have to live with it. You might as well give in ,you are going to be living with a lot of females in your life.
Come on, Harv. No witty comebacks? Everybody knows the best solution to a stupid question is an even stupider response….
I can think of a few, but being as this is a family site, I’ll just wait my turn to answer such questions…
Keep it real.
Who pokes puppies with a stick anyway?
Hilarious none the less. Sounds like y’all made a new friend. You should have her and her husband and her 3 children over for dinner
! Then you might have even more to blog about.